That's right... i created a new word.. chapter and blog... i thought blogter... didn't thinkin chaplog would sound as cool... basically its a new chapter in my life... i've decided it was time for me to start a new blog...i have my xanga blog, my myspace blog and now blogger blog. As with most of my blogs, this is for m, for me to think about things and help me to get my shit out of my mind. Lindsay and I broke up. It was definetly a good thing b/c i was not completely feeling it and willing to work towards a future with her. Something about me made me feel hat she was not the one for me. Not sure what that was, aside from a feeling, a gut feeling that there is no potential and this is not what i want, there is no potential for something more. The sex was good... the last time we were together it was great... i feel like i lost my man card... i gave up sex so i can feel better about myself... about this whole situation of being in a relationship that i felt was going nowhere... meeting someone new and actually going out w/ her behind her back?
okay okay.. i guess that was the main reason why i had to break it off... my man card still in tact? hmmmm maybe.. I hung out with different girls and stuff while still with my girlfriend... thats bad.. i'm a boy... i didn't do anything to cheat tho, no sex, no kissy, not even a hug.... so it wasn't cheating.. but my feelings were being influence by it... if it was straying.. and i was open to seeing other people does that mean my original feelings for lindsay were going away? not strong enough to keep me around? either way it was the right decision... better for her and better for me... even tho i did lose a little bit of my man card... i am a good guy or atleast i'm trying to be a good guy....
Now i lie awake in my bed, on my macbook chatting with ppl that randomly come online... my vietnamese cousin thinks i'm a good looking guy.. makes me feel kinda cool.. sigh.. i don't know what i'm doing, i'm not sure about my future, i have no clue about anything..
i just want to bang bang bang
Saturday, September 13, 2008
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